Written By: Wings Participant
Growing up I learned a lot of things. I learned that I should be seen and not heard. I learned that everything was my fault. I learned that I was just an object to be used. I learned that I am unlovable. I learned that nobody wanted me. I learned that my life meant nothing. I learned that I had no value. I learned that I was stupid, fat, and ugly. I learned to not think or make decisions for myself. I learned that I was nothing.
The lessons I learned in my life determined the way I lived my life. Before moving to the Wings house that is exactly how I lived my life. I let very few people actually get to know me. I never made friends with anyone because I was scared. I worked all the time so that I wouldn’t have to worry about what I would do when I wasn’t working. I didn’t know how to do anything but work. I was brought up to believe that all I was to do in life was work, to do what other people told me to do. I believed that if I could just work hard enough, or do enough, that I would finally be good enough to be loved, to be wanted, by the two people who were supposed to love me and want me –my parents. I think we all have something. Something that we are trying to prove to someone else. The good news I have learned since living at the Wings house is that with God I have nothing to prove. I can’t earn my way into His heart. He loves me already.
If I am to be honest, I still do not whole heartedly believe that God loves me and always wanted me. I still struggle to trust and believe in God and His goodness. I question how good He could be when He did nothing to protect me or stop all the evil that I witnessed growing up. Some days it is hard for me to believe God is good, but I know in my heart God is good. Even on my hardest days, I now know that God isn’t out to get me. He doesn’t hate me or want the bad things to happen to me. God wants nothing but good for all of us, because God is good. He is with us at all times, we just have to trust Him and listen for Him. God is good all the time. His love is never failing. I still cannot wrap my mind around that. I still do not always understand, but my heart knows that God is good all the time. I am so thankful for Wings and how they have helped me learn and grow in my faith and relationship with God. I never would have thought I would say God is good. I know it now. I thank Wings for giving me that gift and God for guiding me to the Wings house. I know He will do the same for many others.